I am struggling this week.
How my body has changed; how little we seem
to touch - unless alcohol lubricates us.
How much I am needed
yet go with my own needs unmet.
Reversion has settled in again.
Your working patterns- they make you seem..
selfish? callous?
Flirts in quiet messages are gone-
an one sided effort it feels.
a dreading of winter -
that bitter cold- I dread it.
I hate it.
The time of the hag, the crone.
A sleeping time.
A creature of the warmth, I feel as though
withered in the cold here.
Questions for together
can time be made?
do I still appear
to you
attractive? how unsettling a dream
can be.
A flabby gut
bloated belly.
Clothes don't fit.
What to do?
Little fingers
begging
screaming voices
toddler of two; small person of six.
When all I beg for is
time to myself; goes unheard.
All I want
is to lay abed
sleeping
ignoring.
A masturbatory finger
my only companion;
a brief burst of release in a field of tensions.
But the fingers come
a kiss on a bumped
knee
meals to make
wash to fold
ears to hear
his working life
that I understand so little of.
Bills unpaid
stacking, stacking.
What to do?
