Nose exhalation.

It came this morning.



A bad dream
and perhaps I took a risk
and mentioned the
contents
as you said, warmly, you were there
and would listen, but
Your body sagged in that familiar way
and you gave that
nose exhalation
- you do this when you are
presented with old worries
with things you don't want
to address or acknowledge.
I snapped.
We sat in silence until you,
got up; sullenly, angrily
got ready to leave.
"Are you angry??"
"No, I'm going to work. Bye."

I'm left grasping.
My hands are floating and my heart pounds.
I am.. crying over you
again
and I'm tired of it.
Supportive words have
opened a sad reality.
I'm scared to talk to you now
for fear of what might happen.
I'm scared to lose our.. our.
Us. Our us.
But what are we?
I take pains to get help
where so many times you
claim nothing is wrong.
We feel so distant despite living together.
I said I was lonely yesterday.
I am lonely for you.
Your touch, a connection.
I'm afraid to speak truthful words
that I will be sighed at, that familiar, tell-tale sag of your shoulders.
Stress you say, we have a lot of that.
Money, we have troubles.
The children; they're stiflers at times.
Please come back.
I want so bad for this to work, but I cannot cry over you anymore.
Please work. I have feelings and I feel
afraid to have them.
Our marriage is a lonely one
and I cannot keep this up.