Briefly.

http://oncorhynchusdancinginthestars.tumblr.com/post/167977172150/brief

Fuck.

October leading in to
November has been
some serious ass.
But we're making small steps to being
back to normal.
New chemicals
while you look for
new employment.
We can do this
we say.
And I want to believe this.
I do believe it.

Nose exhalation.

It came this morning.

Needed.

I am struggling this week.

How my body has changed; how little we seem
to touch - unless alcohol lubricates us.
How much I am needed
yet go with my own needs unmet.
Reversion has settled in again.
Your working patterns- they make you seem..
selfish? callous?
Flirts in quiet messages are gone-
an one sided effort it feels.
a dreading of winter -
that bitter cold- I dread it.
I hate it.
The time of the hag, the crone.
A sleeping time.
A creature of the warmth, I feel as though
withered in the cold here.
Questions for together
can time be made?
do I still appear
to you
attractive? how unsettling a dream
can be.
A flabby gut
bloated belly.
Clothes don't fit.
What to do?
Little fingers
begging
screaming voices
toddler of two; small person of six.
When all I beg for is
time to myself; goes unheard.
All I want
is to lay abed
sleeping
ignoring.
A masturbatory finger
my only companion;
a brief burst of release in a field of tensions.
But the fingers come
a kiss on a bumped
knee
meals to make
wash to fold
ears to hear
his working life
that I understand so little of.
Bills unpaid
stacking, stacking.
What to do?

Fading light.

Summer fades-

Small.

Small noises
its 627 in the morning.
I can hear
a dog barking
He does that every time
he's out.
Birds are singing.
My coffee is lukewarm
Ideas run through
my head
Stories and possibilities
For a character
in a game
I devote
maybe too
much time to.
I think of you.
Our legs tangled
messy kisses
in bed.
I think of the slick-sticky penetration
our bodies joined
relaxing in to that languid
relief, of panting breath
 Hands grasping.
Maybe a nap.
I think of them;
their feet stamping
voices calling
Milk and toast
cereal and carrots.
Where will you go
today my loves?
The jungle?
the sea?
on the porch with
tiny plastic animals.
A bin of sand.
Lately
recently
You've explored
old noises.
Noises from a time passed.
The old flavours
a brief thrill
nostalgia.
'Far too frail'
indeed.

it has a name.

The rejection
has a reason.
a name
a cause.
Your fears are still there-
but it's not all you.
Confessions in the fading
light of summer.
You won't even name them
not here-
respectful.
Only..
Gentle words
of support
suggestions
for
assistance.
Small steps
small.