the best

this is the best I have felt in a while.
I started this a week ago.

Tapering.

She fought me again.

The doctor.

Lately, things have been rough. Mentally I am struggling.

she's seven

Sometimes I watch her.

The voice is so vicious today. Pervasive and terrible, biting and nasty. But I know I'm not a failure, or a fuck up. I do my best. I am raising two lovely, strong kids, and that my husband loves me despite my tragic mental health problems.

It's very hard today to talk it back. So I turned on music that isn't piano, instead trying a suggest album by Muse. It's helping break up the shattered, discordant noise, letting me think in one direction and without negativity.

This is a very hard journey. I end up feeling so very alone. But I try to reach out, to my village, to Matt and to my therapist when I need to.

I am not alone. I can do this.

A brief moment of serenity.

She was watching a movie.

It's frustrating.

We had friends come by today.